Young Love

Bridgeport Mental Hospital

Benjamin left Annabella’s room just after 5pm that afternoon.  Their session had long since ended but they just sat there and talked about pretty much anything and everything that came to mind.  She found Benjamin easy to talk to and she took some comfort in that.

She walks over to the window and runs her fingers across the cold metal frame and looks vaguely at the powdering of dust on her fingertips.

She wasn’t sure what day it was anymore.  Tuesday?  Does it matter?  She remembers Benjamin’s words earlier - if we don’t change the direction we are headed we will end up where we are going – and then him confessing sheepishly that he ‘borrowed’ the quote from a Chinese proverb he read somewhere: “it seemed fitting” he smiled.  It did.  But then again, everything he said to her seemed ‘fitting’.  He seemed to know what to say and exactly when to say it …..

Outside she sees the blossoming of a fairyland of lights.  It was the first thing she adored about the City when she moved here.

A shadow momentarily dims her green eyes and then she no longer notices the city lights but sees far beyond it …..

Twinbrook: Annabella’s 16^th Birthday

Annabella loved living with the Lagrange family even though she always knew in the back of her mind she had to go back when her mother healed from her injuries.  Injuries that she caused, and no doubt her mother would take great effort in constantly reminding her of.  She never went to visit her mother in hospital.  None of the Lagrange’s ever touched the subject either – She knew Graeme had everything to do with that.

She instantly fell in love with the Lagrange family or better yet with the whole idea of ‘family’.  The small things that normal families took for granted - like eating dinner together, watching television in the family room and …. celebrating birthdays. 

It just so happened that Annabella celebrated her 16^th birthday during the time she stayed with the Lagranges.  That morning she woke up with the smell of food coming tantalizingly from the kitchen.  She got up lazily and started making her bed.  She heard a knock on the door and instinctively knew before he said anything that it was the love of her life – Graeme.  “Are you decent?” he asked. 

Graeme was the joy of her life, the only thing that made it endurable.  He was the star in her limited heaven – always there and ready to comfort and console her.  He was popular, and smart and the captain of the football team.  She never understood what the attraction was from his side.  She was someone she didn’t want to be.  Somebody nobody wanted – somebody her mother told her nobody would want –

After her mother’s fall she braced herself to be the topic of discussion - for the sharp tongues and exaggerated gossip, but Graeme walked her to her classes and left her at the door with a kiss that everyone watched.  Anyone stupid enough to mention her mother’s accident had to answer to him.

She liked feeling the eyes of other girls in school when she had Graeme’s arms around her – he made her feel like a princess – as if she belonged.  Graeme and Annabella were like the Brangelina from Twinbrook High.

“Yes, you can come in.” She said with a smile in her voice reserved only for him.

He entered the room and walked towards her.  “And how is my birthday girl today?  Sleep well?”

His hair was the colour of autumn and his smile wider than any summer sun.  He had a wolf-like smile – sharp, impossibly white teeth.  He stamped a kiss on her mouth.

“Mom asked me to come and get you for breakfast.” 

You should have extra honey with your waffles so we can fatten you up a bit” – and he pinches her biceps playfully.

Graeme pushes a stubborn curl from her forehead and looks deeply into her eyes and leans in to kiss her. 

She tasted his warm lips – felt his touch throughout her body – from her lips to her fingertips to the heat between her legs.  She had never been so aware of every inch of her skin.

His touch made her feel as if she was evaporating – like she would vanish in a puff of steam.  She was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with him.

He took her hand and led her towards the kitchen – still in her pj’s – the same ones he made fun of when he saw her in them the first time.

In the kitchen Graeme’s parents were already seated at the table going about their usual morning chatter. 

She adored both of them.  Graeme’s father was a retired policeman, with an air of warm and human solidity.  His face was pleasant with a whimsical smiling quality that made people like him at first glance.  His mother, a writer, had wise, expressive eyes – like melted jewels - and an enormously strong character with amazing energy. 

They both smile at her the moment they see her enter the room.  “Aaah, the birthday girl awakens – come Anna, come, sit down and have some pancakes” Graeme’s father offers warmly. 

At that moment she could not remember anything but what it felt like to be adored.

It was a scorcher that day.  Their clothes felt sticky and itchy and Graeme and Annabella headed for the pool shortly after breakfast. 

“You should try the water Bells” he said walking towards her.

“I’d rather sit here and watch you” she replied sporting a seductive smile.

He drew Annabella to her feet and held her close to him, looking deeply into her eyes as if to memorize every line on her delicate face.  “And do you like what you see?”

He didn’t wait for her to answer and pulled her in for a kiss.

She felt his lips move from her cheek – to her neck – to the spot behind her ear.

Graeme played across her bare stomach, grazed the edge of her bikini top – “not here” she says – blushing.  He rubbed up against her “but I want you” he said.

Her whole body ached for him, but as a dozen times before she snapped back to reality “we can’t do this” she whispered.

He didn’t let go - just peered deeply into her eyes “It’s your fault you know.  If you weren’t this hot I’d be able to keep my hands off you”. 

He pulled her in for another lingering kiss.

“Happy birthday Bells.  I love you.”

Hope Denied

Bridgeport Mental Hospital

Benjamin didn’t quite know what to expect during his next session with Annabella.  She was visibly distraught yesterday after revisiting her strange and horrifying childhood.  Her memories gave him some inkling of what was going on in her house and she clearly illustrated her mother’s ill-disguised contempt for her.  He wasn’t sure if she would want to venture there again, but so many questions remain unanswered.

She had a groomed appearance that morning and seemed more relaxed.  She manages an almost welcoming smile when he enters the room.

“Morning Annabella.  How are you doing today?” He greets cheerfully.

She didn’t answer.  Just kept his gaze and her smile.

“May I?” He asks pointing to the empty chair he occupied yesterday.

“Please do.”  She says to him, now amused by the exchange of niceties, the smile grows another centimetre.

He smiles back at her and sits down.  He observes her for a moment.  She is good-looking despite the limp white state-issue nightgown that did nothing to flatter her. 

“You look pretty today Annabella”.  He remarks.

“I have my moments” is all she says and then the seriousness returns.

He notices the sudden change in her mood, which didn’t surprise him in the least.  Her disorder typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood.  He was prepared for it.

“When can I go home Dr Drake?”  Her question ambushes him somewhat.

But he knew this question would arise sooner or later.  She didn’t commit a crime – technically.  An attempt on one’s own life does not fall strictly within the definition of a crime and unfortunately the City of Bridgeport would never fund a patient’s stay in any of its facilities longer than is absolutely necessary.  As soon as he submits a report indicating that she no longer poses a threat to herself or to anyone else he would have to discharge.  Treatment, if necessary, would then have to continue on a voluntary basis.  Benjamin doubted at this stage if she would agree to be treated as an outpatient - to confront feelings she’d buried away for so long will be a painful journey - he doubts if she is ready, willingly, to travel down that road.

“As soon as you are strong enough Annabella.  It was quite a shock you put your body through a couple of weeks ago … and I have to be sure that you won’t try something like that again.”  He says firmly.  “You understand that don’t you?”

She didn’t answer him and the vacant expression returns.

“Annabella.  I’d like to continue our conversation of yesterday.”  He says – skillfully taking the conversation into a different direction.

When she remains quiet, he continues.

“What happened after your mother fell down the stairs?”  He asks.  He knew she couldn’t have fallen to her death, because Annabella’s file indicated that her mother passed away in her senior year – after a long illness …  yesterday she mentioned that was only 15 years old. 

Loose ends drove Benjamin crazy.  He had to tie things up to a point where he could put things behind him and move on to the next case – and this case was far from being tied up.

“No doctor, she didn’t die that day if that is what you were wondering”. 

She made no attempt to hide her disappointment. 

He breathes deeply.  Another hurdle cleared he thought.  He just nods, and motions for her to continue.

She does.

“I called Graeme.  He took care of everything.  I didn't know what else to do.”

….

Twinbrook: 15 Years ago

“Your mother took quite a spill Annabella, she would have to undergo a hip-replacement operation. 

This means that she would have to stay in hospital for an indefinite time.  Do you have anyone that you can stay with while she is there?” Dr Kendell MacKenzie asks looking at Annabella sympathetically. 

He is Twinbrook’s local physician and most eligible bachelor.  She could never figure out why someone like him would even consider settling down in a town like this. 

“She will be staying with us Dr MacKenzie” Graeme Lagrange announces on his girlfriend’s behalf.  He steps closer to join the conversation between Dr MacKenzie and Annabella.

Kendell gives Graeme a condescending look. 

But everyone in town knows that Graeme and Annabella is an item.  They are constantly the topic of hot-gossip in Twinbrook and the fact that Graeme is two years older than Annabella makes for even spicier talk in a town where everyone knows everyone’s business – or at least they think they do. 

He didn’t like Graeme very much.  He couldn’t explain it.  But he knew his parents personally and had no doubt that Annabella would be safe there until she could return to her own home - that was his primary concern.

 “It’s settled then”.  Kendell replies thankfully.  “Annabella, I will update you regularly on your mother’s condition.  Would you like to go with her in the ambulance to the hospital?” he offers.
 

She didn’t want to.  She knew her mother wouldn’t want her to either.

Graeme again came to her rescue when she didn’t answer “I will take her to see her mother tomorrow Dr MacKenzie.  It’s been a long day.  It’s late.  I’m sure her mother needs to rest as well.”

It’s no secret to Graeme that Annabella and her mother didn’t get along.  In fact he knew that they pretty much hated each other.

Kendell nods.  “Very well then.  Annabella, I will talk to you tomorrow.  Get some rest.” 

And then turns to Graeme “Send your parents my regards Graeme”. 

He leaves Annabella and Graeme standing in the middle of the lounge.

They hear the ambulance and Dr Mackenzie’s car take off and for the first time today the house in Lake Street is quiet.

Graeme turns to her: “Bells.  It was an accident.  You can’t blame yourself for what happened.  She’s going to be okay.” He tries to comfort her. 

Annabella stared at him.  Amazed that he couldn’t see her disappointment.  And then she realized that she was wearing a disguise.  The mask of a monster so authentic and brilliantly disguised that nobody really knew what she had turned into. 

Come here.”  He pulls Annabella closer to him and puts his arms around her. 

“Everything is going to be okay” his comforting voice always makes Annabella feel safe – she almost believes that everything will be okay when he holds her like this.

“Bells, you’re shaking.  Are you cold?”

“Just hold me……  Don’t let go.” 

“I won’t let go Bells.  I’m here.  I won’t let you go.”

Genesis of Evil

“There are some things about people’s pasts that are not worth knowing Dr Drake”

“I like to know everything about people Annabella – it makes my job a lot easier if I do.”

It’s impossible to know everything about people.  People tend to keep secrets to protect themselves.”

“You see, I don’t like secrets very much Annabella.  They always end up hurting the person they’re supposed to protect.”

She seemed to chew on Benjamin’s statement for a while and then said plainly: “It doesn’t really matter.  My mother is dead -

….. and the day she died was the happiest day of my life.”

There was not the slightest hesitation in her voice and although careful not to reveal it Benjamin was a little shocked at her statement - not so much its content, but more the manner in which she said it.  She meant it.  Every word. 

He listens attentively while she continues.

“There was no love lost between us.  My mother hated me.  Not a day went by that she didn’t remind me.  She even blamed me for my father leaving us when I was still a baby.  He walked out the day I was born.  I don’t blame him you know.

I hated her as much as she hated me.  But I couldn’t leave.”

“Annabella, was there ever any physical violence?”

“I remember the day my mother hit me for the first time.  I remember it as if it happened yesterday.  I was only 15 years old…...”

She pauses for a moment – revisiting that fateful day that changed her life forever.

“I came back home from school a little later than usual that afternoon.  I went to my boyfriend’s home after school so that he could help me out with my math homework.  I told her that morning I would be home later …..”

Twinbrook: 15 years ago

“Where have you been you wretched child?  You didn’t do any of your chores!  I don’t know how I put up with you!  No wonder your father didn’t stick around”

“You should get down on those two knock-knees of yours and thank the Lord that I still bother to take care of you.  You are probably one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made.” 

What is that you’re wearing anyway? – A little tart – that’s what you are!”

Annabella covers her face as if that would help shield her from her mother’s insults.  It never works.  Her words cut like a knife every time.  There is just no getting used to her tirades.

“I went to Graeme’s so that he could help me with my Maths homework Mother - I told you before I left the house this morning.  …”  Annabella feverishly tries to explain to her mother.

“Shut up!  I don’t want to hear your silly excuses – you lazy good-for-nothing little tramp!”  Her mother’s tirade continues. 

“You hang around with that boy all the time – do you really think that I believe you do homework when you’re with him?  How stupid do you think I am, child?  Isn’t he a little out of your league?  You stay away from that boy – I don’t want you spreading your evil all over town - just like your father you are – evil’s little spawn”.

“I’m not evil Mother!  And I will not stay away from Graeme” Annabella yells back.

“He makes me happy.  We love each other and we plan to get married after graduation.  We’re leaving this place together as soon as we can – I’m leaving you as soon as I can!  You should be happy Mother!  I’ll be out of your life for good!  Isn’t that what you want?”  Annabella is beside herself and knows she will probably regret everything she’s just said to her mother – she will make her regret what she had just said, but she continues anyway …

…. and how can you say that it is my fault that my father left us – he didn’t leave me!  He left you!”

She felt her mother’s hand land firmly across Annabella’s face – burning like fire against her cold skin.

She staggers on impact and feels slightly dizzy, but still manages to find her balance. 

Her mother is livid – “You will never leave this place.”  She hissed.  “I will make sure of that.”

They stood there for several minutes – that felt to Annabella like hours.  Her mother looked at her with disgust.

She felt tears burning in her eyes and her cheek was on fire. 

“How dare you disrespect me?”  Her mother continues.  “I will have to teach you a lesson.  I will have to teach you to show me some respect”.  Do you know what happens to children who don’t respect their mothers?

… They get punished don’t they?” 

Annabella didn’t say a word.  She knew exactly what punishment her mother had planned for her. 

The house had an underground storage room built in the back-yard.  At least that is what her mother used it for.  It was probably used as some kind of bomb shelter during the times of war or something.  The house was pretty old.  The place gave her the creeps.

Her mother grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her towards the storage room.  This was not the first time she was locked away in there.  Her mother would sometimes leave her there for days, with barely any food or water.  No one could hear her screams for help – the room was sound-proof and the entrance was concealed behind bushes.  Not that anyone ever came around anyway.

At the entrance Annabella started to plead with her mother.  “Please Mama, I’m sorry I said those things.  Please don’t lock me inside there!  Please Mama, I will do anything you ask …. Please, please, I don’t want to go down there – it’s dark and smelly … please?” She pleaded with her mother, but her mother wouldn’t budge. 

“You’re such a pathetic excuse for a human being Annabella.  I can’t even look at you sometimes – just get down there – in that hole where you belong – I wish I could leave you there forever so that I won’t have to look at you again ….”

She reaches for Annabella’s arm, but Annabella manages to pull away before she grabs hold of her ….

… her mother loses her balance and tumbles down the stairs.  A loud scream accompanied by loud thumping noises sounds through the air …. and then suddenly it’s quiet.

Shocked Annabella slowly walks downstairs towards her mother’s lifeless body …. “What have I done?” she whispers to herself, tears now running down her cheeks. 

“Oh no.  What have I done?”